Last Minute Switch

It started last Tuesday at my 36 week appointment.  I had an induction/c-section scheduled for Sunday, just 5 days away.  At my appointment baby B was still head up and after the ultrasound Dr. Ashoor just laid it out and said that he wouldn't allow me to do a vaginal birth and neither would any doctor in the practice.  He said it was their policy because of the risks involved.  He said there may be one or two doctors in the hospital who had experience with it and might let me try it but that basically my only chance of having that happen would be to go into labor when one of them was on call.  So he would be delivering the girls via c-section, end of story.
We left the hospital and I was so upset.   He'd tried to push a c-section on us at every appointment.  I felt like I had talked to enough people that I understood the risks of a vaginal delivery, but I still felt best about delivering that way so that's what I wanted to do.  At every appointment we asked him, "but you'll let us try when the time comes?" and he always said he would.  And then at the last minute he just said he wouldn't and that we wouldn't be able to find anyone else to do it either.  I felt like he had lied to me for months and just waited to tell me what he says was hospital and his practice's policy, until the last minute when it was too late to do anything else.  That on top of never feeling really comfortable with this doctor and I was really upset.  Glenn drove Finn and I home and then he went to bat for me, as he always does.  He went back to the hospital and asked around until he got me an appointment on Thursday with a high risk doctor.  A woman high risk doctor.  I'd tried to get in with a woman doctor and/or a high risk doctor several times before but had always been told that they were full and I couldn't get an appointment.  I was relieved to get a second opinion but felt like it was just too late to really make any changes.
Glenn was really stressed that night.  He felt completely ill at ease about delivering with Dr. Ashoor.  A colleague of his at work had told him about a horrible experience he and his wife had had with him as their doctor and poor Glenn was a mess with worry.  Which is a big deal for Glenn.  He doesn't worry much.  He also told me how uneasy he felt about me delivering naturally.  He just had a horrible feeling about it.  It was really hard to come to the realization that we both felt completely wrong about two different things.  I so had my mind and heart set on a normal delivery because I knew what that recovery looks like and I was terrified of being in more pain and being incapacitated for longer since I had to be on my feet and handling things on my own sooner this time with Glenn going back to work after just a week and a half.  I decided that I would just agree to do a c-section even though I was still so uneasy about it because it was really hard to see Glenn that way.  So we decided to go to the appointment but that we would be doing a c-section even if we wanted to switch doctors.
We went to the appointment and immediately Glenn and I felt so much more comfortable with this doctor.  When I went in to the nurses to do my weight and blood pressure one of them asked how my no stress test went.  I told her I hadn't had it.  She looked in my file and said that even though she had requested it for a few weeks previous, Dr. Ashoor had decided that I didn't need it and had it cancelled without even telling us.  It made me wonder what else he had skipped along the way because he decided we were fine.  When we met Dr. Melika Faraj we immediately felt so at ease.  She was so kind and actually listened to us. She was really understanding of the way that Dr. Ashoor came across and tried a few times to defend what he may have intended and then ended up saying, "Now that, I have no defense for." a few times when we told her of our experiences seeing him the past few months.  She did an ultrasound and I was so surprised that it didn't hurt.  It always hurt quite a bit when Dr. Ashoor did ultrasounds and I had assumed that it was just the way it was because I'm having twins and my stomach is extra tight.  But it turns out, ultrasounds don't have to hurt.  When Dr. Faraj listened to our babies heartbeats Glenn started to tear up and told her, "We haven't heard that since we left the States."  Dr. Ashoor never checked their heartbeats.  I realize that all of the little things Dr. Ashoor did or didn't do really were ultimately inconsequential as our babies are here and healthy.  But after having so many little confrontations  and just a general feeling that he didn't care about us or the babies in the least, they added up to a lack of confidence and trust in him.  Dr. Faraj told us right up front that if we were coming for a second opinion about delivery, that she has a lot of experience with twins and feels completely comfortable doing an induction and delivering the second baby breech if necessary.  It was hard to hear that and turn it down but I had already committed to do a c-section so we just asked her if she would be able to deliver our babies for us that way.  She said that she would but that she couldn't do it until Tuesday.  Totally worth waiting another couple of days to have a doctor we felt so much more comfortable with.  She sent us to have a non-stress test which came looked great, and then we went home.  I was still worried about having a c-section but I just didn't think I could handle going back and forth any more.
The next few days were so much easier.  I was so happy and excited for the babies to arrive.  The stress of the delivery was made so much lighter by having a doctor who we felt comfortable with and who we felt was on our side.  I'm so glad that Glenn took matters into his own hands and took care of me, like he always does.  And I felt like a total git for not being more assertive and finding another doctor sooner!
Managing expectations and knowing when to fight for yourself is a balance I think I'll be figuring out here for quite some time.  On one hand I know that things are different here and so my inclination is to not fight the crazy.  To accept what people, especially medical professionals, tell me as how it really is here and that there is nothing to be done about it.  But on the other hand, sometimes in this culture they tell you "no" because they don't want to do something and you have to push back to get what you want.  I'm not used to that.  I'm used to people telling me how it really is and being able to trust that it's true.  Thank heavens for my husband.  And for my network of people here who I have to rely on for advice on when to fight the crazy and when to accept the crazy.  It's a very confusing process.