Dear Finn,

Finn (Finner, Finnercakes, Finny, Finnyface, Finnster, Finn baby Finn),

You're one year old today.  Where did it go?  12 months.  365 days.  I can't believe I've had you in my life and in our family for that long, and at the same time, you fit with us like you've always been with us.  It's been a busy year for our little clan.  We moved very soon after you were born and started over again in a new place.  It's been a difficult year at times, but Finn, you've been a trooper.  You've always been a good little baby.  You roll with the punches. You smile through the rough spots and don't stay mad or frustrated for very long.  You are my sunshine boy.  Through the last year there were times when I felt at the end of my rope and I'd look at your little face and you'd give me one of your beaming smiles that completely light up the room, and everything looked brighter and easier.  You are my little angel boy.

From the day you were born I just adored you.  You have the most adorable cheeks, chunky legs, and beautiful smile.  I'd sit in the hospital bed, knowing that I should put you down and get some rest, but I just didn't want to stop snuggling and staring at you and enjoying those few precious hours of you and me at the beginning of our adventure together.  We wanted you, Finn.  We wanted you so much.  What a beautiful little boy you are.  From the beginning you looked like your daddy and you do more every day, which, in my opinion, is a lucky thing cause he's a very handsome guy.  You have his eyes.  And I love your daddy's eyes.  They sparkle and absolutely light up when you smile, just like your daddy's do.  It's a beautiful thing to see.  I'm amazed at how easily you smile and let out your short, grunty giggle.  All people have to do is look at you and you'll gladly flash your biggest smile at them.  We make friends wherever we go because you, tiny little baby you, are already making friends.  Just like your Dad.

It's been interesting as a parent, having two boys in a row and realizing that, although you have the gender thing in common, you are very different.  Things that worked with Tate do not work with you so we've had to figure out what you need and how to give it to you.  You're not a snuggler like Tate is.  You like to be held and carried places, but you're always facing out, taking in your surroundings and figuring things out and as soon as we're done going where we're going, you dive our of our arms and want to be on the ground making your own way.  You don't like to lie on our shoulders.  You don't like to snuggle while I sing to you before bed.  One of the most difficult things as your mother, a snuggler myself, is not being able to snuggle and hug away your tears.  When you get sad or frustrated, holding you, singing to you, rocking you, has never made it better.  This is hard for me sometimes as a mommy because I feel like you're an extension of my heart.  I'm sad when you're sad and it's hard for me not to be able to fix it for you.  But luckily, you don't get upset very often, and it never lasts long when you do, so my inability to calm you isn't a disaster.  You may not be big into snuggling, but it's okay.  I just think you're independent.  Determined to figure it out on your own even though you're just a little guy.  And you know what, it makes every teensy lean or still moment, or momentary collapse into me while I'm holding you mean so much more because I know it's really for me.  To show me that you love me.

One thing you do have in common with your older brother and your dad, is your affinity for people.  You love being around people and don't often feel unsure or shy around anyone new.  If there's another baby crawling around in church, you have to be on the ground with them chattering, smiling, and following them around.  You can't stand to be left out of the fun at the park, or when Tate plays with toys.  You've always been big on being with others.  You're friendly and seem to light up when people are around.

You love you dad and your big brother.  You love me too, but not as dramatically.  Probably because I'm always around and I'm sort of a given.  But when Tate gives you a hug or a kiss or pats your head or wrestles with you a bit it's like he just turned on the sun for you.  You love when Dad comes home too.  No matter what's going on when that door opens and your Dad walks in, you are beyond happy.  You spend the next few minutes making sure you can see Dad and he can see you and beaming at him.  I can relate.  It's my favorite time of day too.

You are a tough little boy.  You are physically strong, and emotionally tough too.  From the beginning your little hands could grip amazingly tightly and your arms can pull so hard.  One of the things I remember most from your baby blessing is when your Dad mentioned that you are blessed with physical strength and it will serve you well in life.  You are one strong boy Finn, in every way.  You take falls and bonks in stride, you aren't easily thrown off you game by traveling or staying somewhere new.  You can also be so stubborn when you feel like it.  When you want something it's very hard to distract you from it.  Luckily, what you usually want when you get upset is just food or milk and that's easy to fix, but when it's something else, like wanting to empty the kitchen cupboards, and we won't let you, you let us know that you are upset and you don't give up easily.  Your toughness will serve you well, little Finn.  Some frightening things have happened in this first year of your life, and I, like any momma, worry for you.  But when I really think about you, the boy you are and the boy you will become, I worry less.  Because you are a strong boy.  You will stand up for yourself.  You will defend what you know is right.  And you will do it all while being the bubbly, kind, happy boy that you are and you will be fine.  You will win people over wherever you go just like you always have.

You are loved, baby.  Your Daddy adores you.  Your big brother adores you.  And I adore you too.  You have the best big brother a kid could ask for.  He is proud of you.  He calls you "my baby" and tells everyone who admires you that you are "his".  I'm glad that you have each other and you have your Dad.  He is an incredible Dad.  People used to ask me when I was pregnant with you if I was sad you weren't a girl.  I always thought that was so silly.  I LOVE my two little boys and I'm so incredibly glad that you and Tate have each other and that you'll grow up together sharing, playing, and helping each other.

Little Finn, I love you.  I'm so proud of you and am grateful every single day that I get to be your mom.  I can't wait to watch you grow.  To hear your first words.  To watch you walk, then run after you big brother. To understand and get to know you more as you learn to express yourself.  But I also ache for this year that I will never have again.  The sleepless nights where I held your tiny sweet baby body.  Just you and me, having some alone time in the silent house as Tate and Daddy slept.  The first time you turned your head at the sound of Tate's voice.  The first time you giggled at me when I tickled you on your changing table.  Watching you learn to crawl and chatter to yourself while you roll cars along the floor.  Watching you laugh at and try to copy Tate's lion Raaaaaarrrrrr.  I've loved this year with you and wish we could do it all a few more times just to make sure I don't forget any of those precious little things that have made raising baby you so wonderful.  

My Baby Finn, I can't believe that you're already one.  That soon you'll be walking and needing me less and less and less.  You are an incredible little boy.  I admire so many qualities that you possess and we'll do our best to help you grow into the incredible man I already see in little baby you.  You are going to do great things, my baby.

The world is yours, Finny.  Happy Birthday, my baby.

Love,
Mom