Pregnancy Ponderments...

Today is the February 5th. That means ten days until my due date. I thought to myself today, "Self, you have not recorded much about how pregnancy has been for you." So I thought I'd just write some things down because I'll never be pregnant with my little boy again and I'll want to remember what it was like. Sorry for all of you who would rather not read about pregnancy stuff, but since I'm sort of using this blog as a my blognal or blogary...you get my random thoughts and feelings as a bonus! Deal with it, or just skip this post:)

1st trimester in one word: flu. It felt like I had a permanent flu bug. I felt like throwing up pretty much every day, pretty much all day long. There were times it was worse (certain smells or certain foods) and times when it was better, but overall, I just felt like there was some parasite making me sick all of the time. The worst was that it was completely unpredictable. One second I'd be fine and the next I'd catch a wiff of doggy breath and go sprinting to the toilet. Oh the memories. We went to our first movie here in Austin, Hancock, and I had to leave to throw up 3 times. The best were Glenn's comments...I think he was trying to help. I'd moan that I feel like I'm going to throw up and pretty much every time his response was, "Well, just go throw up and you'll feel better." Thanks honey, but that's unfortunately not the way this particular bug works. Another time he was trying to lighten the mood as he was hovering over me and I was letting loose into the toilet and he started "cheering me on". "That's right honey, get it all out." Oh babe. I was excited to get out of this phase and start feeling like I was actually pregnant. It was not real that I was going to have a baby during this phase.

2nd trimester was so much better. I started to feel less barfy at about 20-21 weeks. It was like magic. One week I was throwing up a lot and the next week I wasn't. I had tons of energy and felt like I could do anything. I started walking and jogging in the mornings and I actually enjoyed it. It was crazy. I slept really well too. I slept a LOT and I slept really well. It was the best. We found out we were having little man at 17 weeks and started planning his nursery. I started to feel my little man move at about 21 weeks and by the next week or two I was sure I felt it. I would just stop and hold really still and smile to myself when I'd feel a little bubble or flutter. It felt so good to finally feel something in there. I didn't feel or look pregnant really until 25ish weeks. He finally started to poke out a little bit and people started to notice what I had noticed for a long time...I was definitely prego. I thought I would have cravings. I was excited to have cravings because I've always had a hard time deciding what I wanted to eat and I thought it would be fun to really feel like something. I never really had any. I felt like donuts and I've never really been a huge fan of donuts, but other than that it's more foods that I don't feel like. I don't feel like meat...pretty much any kind. I can handle chicken but I don't usually make it for myself. I just started eating really simple things like cereal, bananas, toast, yogurt, boring things.

We probably decided on little man's name for sure at the beginningish of this trimester. Pretty soon after we found out he was a boy we decided on his name. His middle name came just a couple of weeks later. We also decided to keep his name a secret because we both liked it so much and didn't want to have it messed up by someone's opinion. Plus, it's the only name we really loved and there have never really been any backups. It's just his name.

3rd trimester, so many changes happened so very fast. I got lots bigger, little dude got lots bigger too, and little dude started kicking harder. He's a tough little boy. Every week I look down and think, he can't possibly get much bigger. There's just no more room. And then he does. The wierdest sensation of pregnancy that I have found is feeling chlostrophobic in my own body. It's worse at night when I've been on my feet all day and then I sit or lay down when I get home and I just feel so full of baby that I'm sure something's going to burst. It's like there's not enough room for me in here. It's harder to breathe because little dude squishes into my lungs when I sit down. Sleeping...not so much any more. That's been a big surprise too. I went from sleeping like a rock, except when I have to get up to go to the bathroom and then I fall right back to sleep, to sleeping really lightly and tossing and turning a lot because different joints get sore if I'm in one position too long. I feel like an old lady. Then in the last couple of weeks I've started to have random completely awake times at night. I'll just wake up by myself at 2 or 3 and be absolutely wide awake. I try to lay there and go back to sleep but I'm just awake. I get up and clean something or catch up our finances or read a book because I'm just not tired. It's crazy. Oh yes and then there's the poop. It's awesome when it happens but I probably only poop once a week, if then. Yep, it's not the most fun.

Things I've started to hear that I don't really love. (probably worse because I work in a baby store) I've put my mental responses in italics.:

"Oh, you're due that soon? That's so great that you're still up and walking around. Good for you honey." Lady, I'm pregnant, I'm not crippled.

"Wow, you must be getting close! You look like you're about to pop!" Do I look like a pimple or an overinflated balloon to you? Why do you think it's okay to tell a person that they look like their body is about to spontaneously explode?

"You're still here? I hoped you would have had the baby by now." Well, considering I still have a couple of weeks left and you're in the store every two days and spend far too much money on far too few items of clothing every time...yep, I'm still here!"

"Oh is this your first baby? You're in for a real shock to the system. Just keep telling yourself, 'this isn't going to kill me. It will end.'" Well, thanks for the pep talk ya big dummy. I'm glad you're not my psychiatrist!

"You're having a boy? Oh, you must just look at the girl things in this store and wish you were having a girl." Um...nope. I have a niece for that!

I also don't love that strangers think I want and need their advice and their war stories because we're somehow bonded because I'm a round person. I don't want to hear about your private parts and what they looked like, I don't want to hear about all of the blood and blisters and carnage of this process and how miserable you were or still are. I certainly don't want to hear about how your relations with your husband changed and all those personal details. I don't know you people. I'll get advice from my doctor, my family, and my buddies...you are none of the above. Stop talking to me!

Things I do like to hear:

"Wow, you're due in a week? That's great. I would have guessed you still had a couple of months left." Lady, you're my best friend.

"You're having a little boy? Oh you're going to love having a little boy. Boy's love their mammas." Good, because I love him back.

Sounds like a lot of complaining in a really long blog. But you know what, this pregnancy has been pretty easy. I've been positive even though I've had brief moments of discouragement or frustration. I've felt really good at work all day. I have the normal aches and pains and I get tired easier but overall, I'm still pretty comfortable. I love my little boy and I love to feel him move. I love to feel him get the hiccups and wiggle around. I love feeling his little feet and other parts poking out when he stretches. I love to sing in the car on the way to and from work and think that he can hear me singing to him. I love looking at his sonogram pictures and imagining what he looks like now. And I love getting his little things ready. Washing and folding his clothes, sitting in my rocking chair, standing over his crib. Those things make him seem more real, like he's actually going to get here and I'll actually be able to see him soon. I can't wait to touch his little toes and look into his face and find little pieces of my sweetheart in him.

Anyway, just some ponderments on my experience. Here are some pictures of me last Sunday at 38 weeks. Yep, I just keep getting more pregnant. Only 10 days to go now! Although I get the feeling that he may take his time. It may be a little longer. We'll see.